Anti-Choose Civility Has Gone Commercial?

I received an email from a friend of mine who saw a new, very crude take on the Choose Civility bumper magnet.



Choose to Kiss It? Maybe it's a person who works for Senate auto insurance?

No Matter the Verb, Hostility is the Word

A reader sent me a picture he snapped while out and about in the County. It looks like Embrace Hostility has a little competition in the bumper sticker market...



That's ok, though. I hardly earn anything for each bumper sticker sold at the Embrace Hostility store. So long as people are doing something with Hostility, then we're in business.

Revoking One's Civility

It sounds like there is a reaction to the movement to start the removal of Choose Civility car magnets around the County. Doug Miller of the Howard County Times has spotted it:

One of our loyal readers informed me today that someone took one of
those “Choose Civility in Howard County” bumper magnets off the car of a mutual
acquaintance.

So does someone who commits so uncivil an act as theft then apply
this thing to his own car, admonishing others to behave themselves?

Could this magnet swipe be the work of a new kind of thief, one who
steals out of a sense of irony?

I would imagine it would either be (a) irony or (b) the friend knew that this person was acting in an uncivilized fashion. I mean, really, why should hypocrites be allowed to keep the Choose Civility magnet on their car? If you're a jerk, you shouldn't be allowed to have the bumper magnet.

Better still, how about we have the right to issue add ons to the bumper magnet? Kind of like this...

HoCo Library Admits Choose Civility is Just About Driving Better

We've been saying all this time that Choose Civility really comes across as nothing more than getting people to drive better. (Which they don't. In fact, they seem to drive worse because of an air of self-assurance that they're better than you because of the bumper sticker, so they can cut you off. After all, you're you.)

Anyway, we got confirmation in visual form from the library in Glenwood. This was passed along by a watchful reader:

Choose Civility, Howard County Citizen!

Choose Civility in Howard County is no longer. Now, you are being directed to Choose Civility. Instead of showing a geographical preference for where civility should be, the HoCo Library has chosen a directive approach by renaming the program "Choose Civility, Howard County, MD." Personally, I would have preferred an exclamation point at the end. It would look a lot less dictatorial and more inviting.

And then there's this nugget:

The new magnets also will have a logo, a circle of people celebrating that resembles a snowflake or a star.

Oh no. Did they not see the post about the OBX stickers? Now I have to redo the banner of this blog! C'mon!

Also, I was quoted in the piece as the only idiot in the County dumb enough to challenge the civility standard. The HoCo Times acknowledges my existence, but Choose Civility's website still doesn't have any of most posts under their "What People Are Saying" links. :(

You Know About Those OBX Stickers?

If you've ever driven on the east coast of the United States, you're bound to have seen one of these:

They're the universal sign that you have visited the Outer Banks of North Carolina.  And they're also the universal sign that you think you're ultra cool for having visited the OBX.  And it's the universal sign that you are definitely, absolutely not cool at all.  As someone who lives there full time told me once:

No one who actually lives in the OBX and knows the OBX has an OBX sticker on their car.

So, that slogan should probably carry over to Choose Civility.  After all, most people who have the car magnets can't seem to drive very well.  They may or may not be civil.  Perhaps, then, the credo should be:

No one who drives well or is truly civil has a Choose Civility car magnet on their car.

Embrace Hostility (Sort Of) is Catching On

Again, stuck in a rut in the Columbia Flier's opine page, I saw a great letter to the editor from Heather Vaughn called "I'll take safety over civility on county's highways." Basically, she takes people to task for having a Choose Civility magnet and then driving like crap.

I wondered, when you decide to go to the Howard County Library to pick up your Choose Civility literature and car magnet, do you also choose to drive like a complete moron once you slap that sticker on your bumper? I understand being conscious of your driving and trying to be civil to others while on the road, but does that sticker magnet make your car go only 35 miles per hour on Route 29 in the left-hand lane, or swerve to cause being cut off on Broken Land Parkway, or run the red light on Harper's Farm Road?

Heather's dead on here. But it also brings up another good point. Basically, people in the county are associating Choose Civility with driving smarter. Was that really the point? Is this money well spent?

A Civil Curtain Call for Embrace Hostility?

Well, on another blog, I was accused of going too comformist. Really, talking about real estate development issues will make anyone sound like a square - even if it does interest me. I took the roast in jest and embraced the hostility. Didn't think too much of it.

But, then, I saw today that I got a curtain call from I'm not dead yet.

I would like to plead and beg for the writer of the Embrace Hostility In Howard County blog to start it back up again. We need some power, some force to fight all the "Choose Civility" individuals out there. Bringing back this blog would really be the Civil thing to do.

I can't fight a good idea. Ok, I won't close up shop. What's it matter anyway? If you've read this blog or Columbia Now, you know who's doing the writing. So, consider Embrace Hostility in HoCo back up for business. Sorry, Columbia Talk - I've been talked out of retirement.

I only posted like twice a month anyhow. I can definitely do smartass twice per month.

Solciting Prostitution is Not Subject to PM Forni's Rules

Apparently, soliciting prostitution is "illegal" in Howard County. What a crock.

Howard County police charged 10 people with soliciting prostitution in Jessup Oct. 16 following an undercover operation along Route 1, county police said this week.

During the operation, female officers in plain clothes stood near the intersection of Washington Boulevard and Cedar Avenue -- identified as a problem area by citizens -- to determine whether they would be approached and offered money for sex, police said.

This totally goes against choosing civility, and several of PM Forni's 25 rules of civility.

What about rule 18, "Avoid personal questions?" How about personal questions like, "Are you soliciting a prostitute, sir/madam?" Those are pretty personal to me.

Or maybe rule 15, "Respect other people's space" - space to solicit prostitutes.

Then again, the raid reminds people of rule 21 - "Think twice before asking for favors."

Embrace Hostility Forum?

I've been thinking about this and I think it would be kind of fun to get people together from all parts of Howard County (and beyond) to talk about the Choose Civility stuff. I don't mean that I'm going to host a forum with someone exclusively holding my point of view - cough, cough, Howard County Library - but rather an open forum where people who are advocates and naysayers of Choose Civility in Howard County could talk. With or without booze. Maybe with pumpkin carving, like they're having at Merriweather. So, what'd'ya say?

Cute Little Anecdote

I was doing my quarterly perusal of the Choose Civility website because they update the site with links to stories that they find about themselves. There's a joke in there somewhere, but anyway, a woman named Karen Kleinz has a piece in NSPRA network publication from September about Choose Civility. It's largely the same cursory stuff - tolerance is great (although a lousy standard), everyone should be considered, think about society, etc. But, this part at the end was great:

Of course, often it's very young children who teach us the most powerful lessonsa bout acceptance,inclusion, and kindness. I was reminded of this at the NSPRA Seminar this past July. One of our Canadian members brought his son [Ben] to the Seminar and shared with me that his son was quite impressed with the campaign displays of our candidates for NSPRA President-elect and the Chesapeake Chapter's politically-decorated hospitality booth (complete with life-size cut outs of McCain, Obama and Hillary). So when they found themselves on an elevator with one of the NSPRA candidates, Ben whispered to his dad that "the guy on the elevator with us is famous!" He thought our candidate was running for President of the United States. After his dad explained the difference, unfazed, Ben marched right up and offered his endorsement anyway.

I bet Ben doesn't think our President is a moron.

Earlier in the piece, Karen talked about seeing a bumper sticker calling GWB a moron. But I honestly don't get the connection to this story. Am I a moron for not getting it? I mean, I think GWB has done a terrible job. And what's wrong with thinking that?

Choose Civility Sponsors Conflict Resolution Program

This from the Baltimore Sun:

The Howard County Library and 40 community partners in the "Choose Civility" initiative - an effort to make the county a national model of respect, consideration, empathy and tolerance - will sponsor a program on self-interest and societal interests, "Why Looking Out for Number One Doesn't Work."

The seminar, which teaches conflict-resolution techniques, will be at 7 p.m. Oct. 20 at the Central Library, 10375 Little Patuxent Parkway, Columbia. Candace A. Olds of Howard Community College's Conflict Resolution Center will speak.

I have nothing against a good negotiation. In fact, in graduate school, I took multiple conflict resolution and negotiation classes as part of my degree program. I found them fascinating. So, I am actually going to give kudos to the Choose Civility people for doing something clever with their initiative.

But, the title of the seminar is all wrong. Negotiation theory today really dissuades people from using the zero-sum game concept - meaning that there has to be a winner and a loser. The title is implying that looking out for yourself doesn't work. In fact, that's not true at all. Looking out for yourself does work in negotiation and dispute resolution when you also attempt to look out for the interests of others involved, where compatible.

The reality is that you should look out for you. Your interests matter. The will of the majority is not always right. Other should be respected and their experiences, opinions, etc, considered, but that doesn't mean that looking out for you should be thrown out the window. Each individual has a right to weigh in - even if incorrectly. There are absolutes sometimes.

There Is a Line Between Civility and Stupidity

The Howard County police are advising people to take the valuables out of their car thanks to a recent string of car break ins.

What are people leaving in cars?

The thefts continue in part because valuables are left in cars, according to police, including such items as GPS units, laptop computers, stereos, portable music players, purses and briefcases.

I know that Howard County is a nice place to live, and crime is low, but even I would at least have to consider stealing some of that stuff if it was in plain view in a car.

As Jimbo Jones said on The Simpsons, "Five finger discount!"

Heavily Democratic HoCo is Very Civil

It's election season and there's nothing like a good political fight to completely ruin any level of civil discourse, action, or livelihood. Elections really tend to reduce us to petty children arguing over things that most of us really don't grasp all that well. And, like chimps, what do people do when they don't understand? Throw shit everywhere. Vandalize political signage.

From the Columbia Flier:

As the presidential campaign enters the final month, local Democrats and Republicans are complaining of repeated vandalism to their campaign signs.

Howard County Republicans reported that 12 4-by-8-foot signs, valued at $125 each, had been either pulled down or vandalized in some way since the party began putting them up Sept. 13.

Howard Democrats have not yet erected larger signs, but a party leader said Oct. 6 that in the previous week alone, 38 yard signs, valued at about $1 each, have been vandalized.

Both parties appear to be the victims of the vandalism, er, political expression. But, nothing like using this as an opportunity to take a shot at the other side!

Michael McPherson, chairman of the Howard County Democratic Central Committee, said Democrats had not filed a complaint with the police. “Democrats don’t believe in burdening the police with this kind of activity,” he said. “I’m worried about muggings and purse snatchings and people being killed.”

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

PM Forni Chat with Washington Post

The WaPo rag had an online chat with PM Forni on Friday. Here's some of the lowlites:

Arlington, Va.: Is there really data that says we're less civil today than we used to be or is this just another "trend" built on anecdotes that the press loves to play up? If there really is evidence, what are the causes?

P.M. Forni: There is plenty of evidence that we are dealing with plenty of rudeness. Less civil than we used to be? Difficult to say for certain. Causes: anonimity, stress, lack of time, lack of restraint.

Way to answer the first question.

Here's a good one:

spot the err, OR: Dear Dan and P.M., I am extremely polite to everyone all the time. Why is everyone else so rude? I just can't understand why others are not as polite as I.

P.M. Forni: They may have not been trained in good manners. They may have less self-control than you do. They may be reacting to stress. They may shifting the burden of their insecurity upon you in the form of rudeness.

Then the real expert - the WaPo staff writer - steps in the talk about the real point of the question:

Dan Zak: Is this a trick question? Looking at life with an "I'm better than everyone" attitude ain't a good starting point. I'm no expert, but I think civility and politeness can't be preceded by haughtiness.

And that's exactly why I'm against this whole concept. The guy who is covering the concept knows it better than the guy who wrote the book.

Choosing To Outsmart Civility

The Pack Shack in Ellicott City outsmarted the Choose Civility types who think that porno stores are part of some kind of awful problem in society. Yeah, yeah, I know we have much looser morals and behavior than we used to, but that's just because hippies from the 60s are raising kids now to be sissies with feelings, and opinions.

Anyway, the Pack Shack got around a county ordinance that labeled it a bookstore and ended a nearly 10 year effort to try to shut the place down. How'd they do it? They placed more non-porno material on their store shelves.

From Explore Howard:

Inspectors with the Department of Planning and Zoning made a recent visit to the Pack Shack, 8445 Baltimore National Pike, in Ellicott City, and decided it no longer met the county's definition of an adult business.

The rules state an adult bookstore is a business having 20 percent or more of its total inventory or floor space dedicated to adult material.

Non-pornographic books and other items were added by Pack Shack owners so it would no longer be subject to the zoning rules, which were passed in 2004 and do not allow such businesses to operate within 300 feet of homes or within 1,000 feet of other adult stores.

So, instead, Ken Ulman is going to go after the Love Craft in North Laurel. I still don't quite understand the big deal. All you have to do is type "nude girls" into Google and you'd find porno. At least if people get off of their ass and go to a porno store, they are keeping the money in the community economy.

Civility in Action, Volume 1

Got this email to the Hostility in HoCo inbox over the weekend while I was in Chicago. It's a great city, they're very nice, and they don't need PM Forni's book. (Yeah, yeah, south side.) Anyway, keep the good pictures coming of people embracing hostility - or choosing civility.

LOL at Stupid White Supremecists

So, apparently a neo-Nazi group thought they could pull the old switcheroo in delivering some free papers to Elkridge residents. They delivered about 40 papers in the area to residents and wrapped them in propaganda and promotional materials for their supremacy group.

When Gail Sigel of Elkridge picked up a copy of Howard County Issues on her front lawn on Aug. 3, she was shocked to find what it was wrapped in: a one-page circular that blamed Jews for slavery in America and urged readers to "join the people who are fighting to make a safer future for white children."

She wasn't the only one upset by the circular.

Mona Brinegar, publisher of Howard County Issues, a quarterly of local opinion, said she was angered by the neo-Nazi group's use of her publication.

" 'Horrified' comes to mind," Brinegar said.

The circular was produced by the National Socialist Order of America -- Maryland chapter, based in Elkridge. The National Socialist Order of America is identified on various Web sites as a neo-Nazi organization recently formed after a split with the National Socialist Movement.

Members of the group had taken the newspapers from a local library and then wrapped the circulars around them, according to Tim Brand, a group spokesman.

Why 40? That's the best you could do? 40? That's pitiful, lazy, or both. That's not a campaign. There are more people that get a sno-ball in Elkridge each day than that. And the rationale for doing this is simply brilliant (sarcastic).

Brand said the circulars were sent out as part of a recruitment effort the group steps up over the summer.

"It picks up during the summer because we have better weather," Brand said of the recruitment efforts.

"Every time we do a drop like that we'll get some complaints but about five or 10 people will write us letters (of interest)," Brand said.

What idiot would read this flier and suddenly determine that their hatred is so strong that they have to join a group of other hate-filled people?

And I suppose that the group must hate the cold, too, because they're too lazy to recruit in the winter time. Nicer weather means better conditions for hate-mongering. I did not know that.

You mean to tell me that a group of lazy, stupid, hate-filled people actually GAIN members from such a stunt?

This is way dumber than a Choose Civility car magnet. At least the magnets won't get soggy in the rain, run ink, etc. And who reads the Howard County Issues anyway? In Spaceballs, the famous quote is that "evil will win because good is dumb." Might want to check that.

Choosing Civility Means Losing Taste Buds

Explore Howard is a news aggregator of the Sun, Flier, The View, etc. On the site, they have message boards with exactly 8 subscribers. One of the threads on the board was fantastic - best restaurant in Howard County. There are five posts in the thread.

The nominees:
Clyde's (3 votes)
Tomato Palace (owned by Clyde's) (2)
Hunan Manor
Sushi Sono
Great Sage

These are basically all Columbia lakefront restaurants and none deserve consideration for best in the county, particularly since Clyde's is a chain. How about Jordan's Steakhouse, for starters?

Have people lost sight (or taste) of what is good food?!

Breaking Down the Civility Rules

According to Forni's book, here are the 25 rules of considerate conduct with a breakdown from yours truly.

1. Pay attention - Huh? I'm sorry, I was asleep.
   
2. Acknowledge others - I suppose that Forni didn't mean by whipping it out, but rather with a hello or a wave.
   
3. Think the best - The best of or about what? Is this supposed to be some call for everyone to be optimistic? What about realism?
   
4. Listen - Deaf people need not apply.
   
5. Be inclusive - I play in the HoCo kickball league. I definitely would not include some of those people in the league if I had my way.
   
6. Speak kindly - All the time? "Gee, that murdered in Wilde Lake sure is a family man."
   
7. Don't speak ill - We should probably just lump six and seven together. And from my above sentence, I should remove "murderer" since that term has ill connotations.
   
8. Accept and give praise - Not either/or?
   
9. Respect even a subtle "no" - No does mean no, unless following with "t normally."
   
10. Respect others' opinions - No matter how wrong someone is, they don't deserve to be ridiculed.
    
11. Mind your body - But, for God's sake, don't do it in public. Like on the Fitness Trail off of Lake Kittamaqundi.
    
12. Be agreeable - Sure.
    
13. Keep it down (and rediscover silence) - Merriweather Post Pavilion says Hi.
    
14. Respect other people's time - Hold on a minute while I think of something.
    
15. Respect other people's space - We have a list of crimes dedicated to this rule. It's not ground breaking.
    
16. Apologize earnestly - I'm sorry for writing this blog.
    
17. Assert yourself - Wait! No I'm not!
    
18. Avoid personal questions - Like, "Have you ever seen a dead body?"
    
19. Care for your guests - I guess I will put that smallpox blanket away now.
    
20. Be a considerate guest - A perfect illustration of this is burping aloud after a great meal.
    
21. Think twice before asking for favors - The lesson is that hiring a prostitute is still against the law, even if it's called a favor.
    
22. Refrain from idle complaints - I hate having to pay $4/gallon for gas.
    
23. Accept and give constructive criticism - You suck. No, I do not suck.
    
24. Respect the environment and be gentle to animals - Kicking a dog is out, huh? Ooookkkk...fine.
    
25. Don't shift responsibility and blame - Don't tell me what to do. You're the one who made the list.